Kissing and the Art of Flirting with Idiots
by Rhino7
Summary: It all fit. Good guy beats evil, wins the girl. It was the outline of every story ever written. Unfortunately, reality had a nasty way of not getting the ‘happily ever after’ memo.


**Kissing and the Art of Flirting with Idiots**

**By Rhino7**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This oneshot is mine. This takes place right where Kingdom Hearts II ended. It's sort of a tag scene. I think the first half came off as kind of awkward and choppy, and I apologize for that. I've been writing a lot of serious and deep stuff, and it's hard to shift over to a different conveyor belt of writing. I tried though.**

**This little ditty is dedicated to Endings Matter Most, who leaves the most awesomest reviews ever. Her story **_**Weeds of Truth**_** and the ongoing sequel **_**Rooted to the Dark**_** has turned me from Sora/Kairi. While I haven't latched onto Kairi/Riku, I am no longer a Sora/Kairi shipper, and this is my transition and closure of the now dead-to-me pairing. So congratulations, EMM, I'm breaking up with SoKai!**

**Constructive feedback is always appreciated! And I encourage you to read Endings Matter Most's stories, especially you Kaiku fans!**

**..:--X--:..**

"You're home." Kairi smiled and offered her hand.

Sora's face split into a cheesy smile and he clapped his hand against her proffered one.

Kairi felt a coarse grain surface rub against her palm and she gave Sora a quizzical look. He smiled wider and withdrew his hand, pushing himself to his feet. Donald and Goofy were chortling behind him, slapping him on the back and clomping noisily in the water.

Taking her hand back, Kairi looked down at her open palm. The five-point star of her lucky charm giggled up at her. Kairi's eyes widened and she cupped the charm with both hands.

"You—you brought it back. You remembered." She gaped.

Sora shook his head like a dog might and his hair flung flecks of water in all directions. Donald shielded his eyes and made a garbled noise of either amusement or annoyance; it was hard to tell.

"Of course I remembered." Sora remarked with mock offense, hands on his hips and puffing his chest out in triumph. "What kind of friend would I be if I'd lost your lucky charm?"

Riku snorted behind him and Kairi smiled through a wince. Right. Friend. Huh.

"What?" Sora rounded on Riku, "What's so funny?"

Riku smirked and shook his head, "Nothing."

King Mickey looked from Riku to Donald and Goofy. "Now that Xemnas and the rest of the Organization is gone, the rest of the worlds should return to normal."

"So," Sora started, "Everybody is okay? Leon, Aerith, and Cloud? And the gang from Twilight Town?"

Mickey nodded enthusiastically, "Yep. Things will be a little chaotic for a while, but with the leaders gone, the Nobodies and Heartless should start to call off their attacks and retreat."

"That's awesome!" Sora exclaimed, doing a little hop in the water, splashing Donald in the face.

Donald emitted a mess of noise that was indistinguishable as language and promptly splashed Sora back, although mostly hitting Goofy, who just stumbled away from the fray with a 'Gawrsh!'. Sora ducked the counter attack and splashed the duck back.

Making a completely unamused noise now, Donald shoved at the water with both hands. Sora took the attack in the face and knelt down. He bodily lifted Donald and hurled him out into the deeper water. With a strangled cry, Donald paddled himself back to the surface, his eyes hot with revenge.

"Oh sh—" Sora turned tail and stumbled past Kairi toward the beach.

"Ah, the fearless hero of Kingdom Hearts." Riku jeered as Donald reached the shallows and took off up the beach after Sora. "Frightened of an overgrown mallard."

"I'm not a mallard!" Donald altered his course and charged at Riku now.

"Holy mother of—" Riku nearly ran over the king in his attempt to escape the feathered attack.

Kairi and Goof exchanged a look and started laughing. King Mickey watched his two 'fearless' Keybearers flee from Donald with a bemused expression, barely repressing a grin. Sora ran around behind Kairi and grabbed her shoulders, keeping her between himself and Donald.

"What? I'm not protecting you." Kairi giggled, but didn't try to remove his hands from her shoulders.

"Why not?" Sora asked, leaning around her to give her an affronted look.

Donald, it seemed, made no exception in his attacks, and sent a vicious wave of water at them both. He took advantage of Sora and Kairi's distraction and the wave of water collided with Kairi's face. She toppled backwards with the water and fell against Sora. Sora wrapped an arm around her in an attempt to steady them both, but Kairi felt her center of gravity shift and they both stumbled back into the water.

Sora hit the water first and Kairi landed on top of him, flailing her limbs in vain to get her feet under her. She ended up elbowing Sora in the nose and he kneed her in the back. Blinded by water, Kairi sputtered and rolled off of Sora, her hands and knees contacting with the slushy sand of the shallows. Somewhere behind her, Riku was roaring with laughter.

"Donald, calm down." Goofy was holding his hands out placatingly.

Donald had steam practically pouring out his ears. He only stopped his righteous vengeance when King Mickey folded his arms and looked at him flatly. Then, with a fuming sigh, the duck hmphed and marched back toward the beach.

"Nice!" Sora sat bolt upright in the water, throwing a handful of wet sand at Riku and missing by several feet. "Way to help us out there, man!"

Riku was pink with laughter and shrugged helplessly.

Kairi stood up and staggered on her feet, completely soaked and coated in sand. She couldn't bring herself to get mad. Her dress had been ruined anyway.

"You okay?" Sora asked, standing up as well and equally soaked.

Kairi looked at him, laughed, and nodded, "Yeah, but seriously?" She glared at his hair, which had completely ignored the water and remained in its spiky state.

"If you all are ready to act your age?!" Donald sputtered hotly.

"Aw, c'mon, Donald, loosen up a little." King Mickey chided gently.

Donald pushed his nose up in the air with a huff and regarded them all with a snide eye. "Are we ready to go?"

Sora looked hurt, "You're leaving already? We were just playing around, Donald."

"He's right, Sora." Goofy said sadly, "We needa get back to Disney Castle and start sorting things out. We left a bit of a mess."

Sora visibly deflated, "Oh, right."

Kairi sobered and nudged him in the ribs, "Hey, you guys saved the worlds…all of them. No frowny faces for at least a week."

Sora wasn't capable of maintaining a frown much longer than a minute anyway, and soon he was vigorously hugging his new friends good bye. Kairi watched with a mixture of relief and discomfort. Sora had really grown close to those guys from Disney Castle. Both of her friends had changed, she glanced over at Riku.

Unlike Sora, Riku didn't do the hugging, laughing, playful good byes. His good bye to King Mickey was a meaningful nod and a shake of hands. He caught Kairi's eye and smirked as King Mickey went to detach Donald and Goofy from Sora's bear hug.

"Welcome back to you too." Kairi said.

Riku knocked a shoulder against hers. More like he nudged her shoulder with his elbow. Kairi blinked and looked up at him.

"When did you get so tall?"

Riku just laughed, "Somewhere between saving Sora's ass and keeping an eye on yours."

Kairi's eyes bugged and she smacked him in the shoulder.

"Hey, I didn't mean—You know what I meant!" Riku warded off the smacking.

Blushing hotly, Kairi turned to watch the Disney Castle crew climb onto King Mickey's Gummi Ship, which was parked on the other side of Riku's island. She waved to them as Sora yelled things like "Don't forget to write!" and "Say hi to the queen for me!"

The Gummi lifted from the sand and had soon flown off into the cloudless blue sky. The three friends stayed on the beach, watching the stars slowly creep out from behind the warm, dying rays of the sun. Sora tromped back over to where Riku and Kairi were leaning against the pier.

"So," Sora swung his arms up, lacing his fingers together behind his head, "Now what are we supposed to do?"

Riku groaned and straightened, "It takes two years to get back here and you're already raring to go again?"

Sora blinked owlishly and Kairi smiled. He looked so cute when he was confused…and that was a lot of the time.

"That—it—you—" Sora stammered before something dawned in his eyes. He rounded on Kairi. "Our parents! Are my parents okay?" He asked frantically.

Kairi nodded immediately, "Yes, they're all right. They were fine when I left a few days ago."

Sora twitched impatiently, "They've probably been worried! Do they think I'm dead? Am I dead to them?!" He gaped, jumping onto the pier and heading for their trusty rowboats, which were still tethered obediently. "I gotta get home and tell them I'm not dead!"

Kairi deflated slightly. She had been hoping for some time alone with Sora, before the great chaos of reuniting with their families again. She had been wanting to be alone with him for a while now, to tell him…how she felt.

Riku caught her eye and reached around, grabbing Sora by the forearm. "You can't go yet, you idiot."

Sora staggered as his balance was compromised, one leg in the boat and one on the pier. "Why not? They think I'm dead! Kairi said so!"

"No, I didn't. I said they were fine." Kairi quirked an eyebrow.

Sora tried to wriggle out of Riku's grip, failed, and managed to nearly do the splits as the boat bobbed away from the pier. Instead, with a yelp, he toppled backwards on his back on the pier. Riku finally let him go.

"If you go barging back over there, whether they think you're dead or not, they're going to freak out." Riku stated matter-of-factly. "You're freaking out right now and you already know you're not dead, right?"

"I'm not freaking out." Sora said, eyes as round as saucers and the side of his mouth twitching.

Riku held out a hand as if to shake his friend, "Why don't you just stay here for a bit, calm the whirlwinds of your mind, and paddle on over when you have any idea what you're going to say to your high-blood pressure parents."

Kairi bit her bottom lip as Sora seemed to see the twisted logic, pulling himself up to sit on the pier. "I guess." He muttered.

Riku nodded satisfactorily and deftly climbed into Sora's now empty rowboat. "Good, I'll see you guys later."

"What? Hey, what? Where are you going?" Sora blurted, twisting around.

Riku pulled out the oars and untied the tether, "I'm going to see my parents. I haven't seen them in two years. What if they think I'm dead or something?"

Sora sputtered incoherently before finally saluting Riku with one raised finger. Riku just grinned and when Sora closed his eyes to shake his head, he winked at Kairi. Kairi stood straighter. That sneaky little…She softened immediately and mouthed 'Thanks' to him. Riku's smile just widened and he pushed off from the pier.

Kairi sank down to sit on the pier, watching Riku row out of the shallows and angle toward the main island. Riku had really changed. Before the Heartless invasion he had had a level of arrogance. He had been quiet and was always picking on Sora…Well, some things would never change. But for some reason, even now, Kairi had harbored a growing suspicion that Riku had feelings for her beyond friendship. She wasn't sure what to do with that.

"Hey, Kairi?" Sora asked, breaking into her thoughts.

Warmth spread across her neck and Kairi turned to him, "Yes, Sora?"

Sora shifted around so that he was sitting next to her on the end of the pier, the way they had been the night before the invasion. "Y-you said that for a while you couldn't remember who I was." He sounded genuinely hurt and Kairi flinched. "I know it was just Namine's doing, but you—it wore off. You don't—My parents are going to remember me, right?"

Kairi folded her hands in her lap and leaned toward him a little. "Who could ever forget you, Sora?" All flirting aside, she sighed, "My memories came back slowly, until one day I just remembered everything again. I'm sure your parents know who you are."

Sora didn't look completely convinced, and his cheeks reddened slightly as he realized how close together they were. "So what…what do you remember?"

Kairi smiled slowly, "Before the Heartless? I remember building the raft. I remember you guys fighting with those wooden swords all the time. I remember the contest to name the raft, when Riku bet the winner to share a paopu with me."

Sora sat up straighter, "How did you—"

Kairi dangled her legs over the edge of the pier, "You boys are capable of a lot of things, whispering is not one of them." She looked up and found him blushing. Her own face warmed too at the memory and she fiddled with a fray in her dress, absently looking out at the horizon. Riku was just a dot now, the rowing fiend, closer to the main island than their childhood island.

"Oh." Sora sputtered, "Well, it was Riku's idea. He—he has—er—had—I don't know—a crush on you or something."

Kairi squinted. Why would Riku suddenly become so adamant to help her get alone time with Sora if he had feelings for her? Then again, afterwards he HAD made off in quite a hurry. She frowned slightly, but Sora's knee brushing against hers drew her back to reality.

"Oh?" She said in what she hoped was a nonchalant way.

"Yeah," Sora lifted his shoulders, "I—uh—I didn't actually agree to those stakes. I was just…just racing to name the raft. Who name's a raft 'Highwind'?"

He was trying to change the subject. Kairi wouldn't have that.

"So you didn't want to share a paopu with me, then or now?" She pried.

Sora's face reddened further, making his eyes appear brighter in the dusk light. "No, I mean—it wasn't—he just threw it out there—I didn't think—" He caught her eye for a second before dropping his gaze sheepishly, suddenly shy.

Kairi pulled her hair behind her ear and leaned in closer. "I might have said yes, if you did."

Sora's eyes snapped to hers. "Yeah?"

She tilted her head, "We'll never know now, will we?"

Sora's shoulders sagged, "Would you…would you say yes now?"

"Are you asking me to?"

"If I was, would you?"

"Depends on what you would mean by it."

Sora squinted one eye, "We're still talking about the paopu right?"

Kairi giggled, "Yes."

Sora stopped leaning away as Kairi leaned in closer. "I—uh—I kinda like you, Kairi." He blurted. "Like…more than friends like…and—this—Do you feel the same way?"

"Hm…" She hummed, moving in closer, "That depends."

He blinked, "On what?"

Kairi closed the rest of the gap, her lips brushing against his. It was off center and she mostly hit his cheek. After going stiff with shock, Sora turned, finding the rest of her mouth and kissing her back. Her hand snaked up to his shoulder and he cupped the back of her head. The kiss lasted for several seconds, and Kairi smiled, but only for a moment. He tasted like…

Sora pulled back at the same time Kairi did, nearly flopping off the pier. Kairi lifted a hand to her mouth, trying to cover up the grimace. Sora was not so subtle and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hands.

"Bah, Kairi, what was that?!" He said, spitting into the water.

Kairi frowned and wiped her mouth now too. "I was trying to kiss you."

Well, THAT wasn't supposed to happen. Kairi had expected to feel something when she kissed Sora. Some sort of electricity or pleasure or something. Instead, she felt…wrong. Clearly, by the way Sora was running his hands over his tongue, he felt the same about kissing her.

"Guh, it felt like I was kissing my sister." He gagged.

"You don't even have a sister." Kairi said, leaning away from him now.

"That makes it even worse!" Sora scooped a handful of water into his mouth, swilled, and spat on the sand.

"Take that as a NO on the paopu thing." Kairi said, still rolling her tongue in her mouth to get rid of the taste of the kiss.

"Definitely." Sora shook his head, "No offense."

"None taken." Kairi waved a hand. "Just, stop acting like you just tasted dirt, that is offensive."

Sora eventually stopped fitting and they fell into an awkward silence.

Fortunately Sora had never been good with awkward silence…or silence at all for that matter.

"So…" He started, "You still have feelings for me?"

"No." She answered curtly. "I thought I did, I really did, and I don't know what happened."

"Thanks." Sora said flatly.

"No, it's not—I don't know. I thought kissing was supposed to be fun and that—"

"Was NOT fun." Sora filled in, nodding in agreement. "That was my first kiss too. Thanks for ruining it."

Kairi tilted her head, "That was your first kiss? Ever?"

Sora hunched his shoulders, "Shut up."

"You're almost 16 years old! How can you never have been kissed?" She gaped.

"When were you first kissed?" Sora countered defensively.

"When I was 14!" She barked back.

Sora glanced at the horizon, "Well, we can't all be skanks."

Kairi huffed, but Sora smirked at her in jest and leaned back on his hands.

A beat passed.

"Sorry for kissing you." She said softly.

"Yeah. Sorry for calling you a skank." He replied.

He leaned his head out until he caught her gaze, grinned, and offered a hand.

"Friends only?" He suggested.

Kairi gave his hand a measured look, "You rubbed your tongue with that hand."

After a moment's pause, she spat into her hand and clapped her palm against his, just like all elementary school pacts are made. She laughed at Sora's half-disgusted look, shaking his hand firmly.

"Friends only." She agreed.

Both took their hands back and immediately washed them off in the ocean.

"Wanna go home?" Sora asked, wiping his hands off on his pants.

Kairi flicked her fingers a few times, flinging away any lingering water and slapped at her skirt to dry her hands. "Yeah."

They both climbed into Kairi's boat, since Riku had taken Sora's and Riku's was MIA, and Sora took up the oars, nudging them away from the pier and angling toward the main island. A more comfortable silence settled between them. Kairi looked out at the sloshing waves.

This was all wrong. She and Sora had so much in common. He was the master of the Keyblade. She was a Princess of Heart. It all fit. Good guy beats evil, wins the girl. It was the outline of every story ever written. Unfortunately, reality had a nasty way of not getting the 'happily ever after' memo. She sighed and licked at her lips, still grimacing at the awkward, kiss-turned-train wreck she'd induced.

"I don't get it." She stated.

"The oars pull the water, pushing the boat forward." Sora said with a lopsided smile.

Kairi gave him a deadpan look and propped her elbows on her knees, "Everything fit. I really liked you and you said you liked me. This," She gestured to the open space between them, "should have been instant chemistry."

"Well, we're just Hamlet and Ophelia then." Sora said.

Kairi quirked an eyebrow, "What?"

Sora averted his eyes, "Something I came across on one of the worlds we visited…Never mind."

Shaking her head, Kairi sat up, "Anyway, ever since you left me on Destiny Islands, when the worlds were all regenerating, I've been sitting around thinking about you, me, us, and everything that all implied." She rolled her eyes, "Now that's all dashed, what do we do?"

"We act like it never happened and never tell Riku." Sora said simply.

"Never tell Riku? Why not?" Kairi looked up.

How would Riku feel to know his two best friends had kissed? Would he be jealous? Kairi's stomach knotted suddenly but she swallowed hard and bit back the heat that flared up her neck. No. She wasn't going to go there. Not now. She had just figured out that she didn't like Sora. She wasn't going to jump from one to the other like that. She wasn't even sure what she felt toward Riku anyway. She'd never thought much about it because she was sure she was supposed to be with Sora.

"Because." Sora said plainly. "We kissed and you cringed. Just give him another thing to taunt me about."

"Hey, you cringed too!" Kairi retorted.

"Yeah, but he won't taunt you." Sora said smoothly.

Kairi inclined her neck, "Does he really like me like that?"

Sora shrugged, still rowing, "Last time we talked about it he did. Seemed to anyway. You never know with Riku. But, since there will be no Sora and Kairi save-the-date cards to send out…" He let the statement linger.

Kairi tilted her head, "Are you pimping me out to Riku?"

"No! No, no." Sora shook his head, "But that's the kink to your Princess and Keybearer spiel. There're two Keybearers around here."

Kairi pursed her lips, "Are all guys this laissez-faire about this stuff? Half an hour ago you were admitting to liking me, and now, one bad kiss later, you're advertising your best friend?"

Sora lifted his shoulders, "I don't have to like it, but he was willing to step aside and let us have a go, and that went about as well as cooking with napalm, so I can at least have the decency to step aside when you are forever only a friend to me now."

Kairi frowned, "I'm sure there was a compliment in there somewhere."

"Don't get me wrong, I wish that kiss had been magical like all those dopey chick-flicks the female species seem to adore." Sora continued, "But if it isn't there, it isn't there."

Kairi eyed Sora for a minute, "Who are you and what have you done with Sora?"

Sora regarded her in mock offense, "Hey, I can be witty."

Kairi rolled her eyes and glanced off to the main island. "Maybe," She started, "Unfortunately, this 'female species' takes a while to move out of the Platonic Zone."

"Well, that's women for you." Sora replied absently.

They sailed on for a number of minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.

Kairi nibbled on a fingernail. This was going to make her lose sleep.

"Hey. Kairi?" Sora asked gingerly.

Kairi snapped out of her thoughts once more and looked at her friend, "What?"

"Y-you don't think my parents really think I'm dead, do you?"


End file.
